by Inge Cannon, Education PLUS
Each rule of etiquette reflects an
attitude or character quality which reveals
an individual’s values and personal
beliefs.
The following thoughts should help in
determining which rules of etiquette or
“social graces,” as they are
often called, are important to your
family.
“Others May; You May
Not.”
It is a simple reality that God sometimes
places limits on His servants, especially for
the development of their lives as
leaders. Leaders live in goldfish bowls
– everyone sees how and where they
swim!
• Are
you willing to set aside a personal habit or
choice to help someone else grow in the Lord?
• Can
you view this as a high calling from God
rather than a straitjacket?
• Will
you view the practice of details that
sometimes feel needlessly “picky”
as a means of demonstrating the character of
Christ in your life?
Categories of Rules
It will be helpful to your children if you
help them identify the category of each
etiquette rule you are striving to learn and
practice. Much irritation of spirit can
come as a result of not understanding
these.
1. Convictions or Moral Directives
These rules deal with issues that are
right or wrong according to the Word of
God. These may never be adjusted.
Etiquette rules in this category involve
propriety between men and women, honesty in
communication, integrity in ethics, and
fulfillment of promises.
2. Efficiency Directives
These rules are for the convenience of a
group. This can be a family, work team,
friendships, or any other unit of people.
Etiquette rules in this category deal with
being punctual, organized, neat, etc., at
work, in travel, during leisure activities,
and with guests.
3. Deference or Consideration
Directives
These rules deal with how others feel when
I behave toward them in a given manner.
These etiquette rules enable a person to
practice the “golden rule” in
avoiding offense.
4. Reputation Concerns
These rules deal with the appearance of
things and the associations which things
have. These rules involve setting
minimum standards so that individual and
organizational images are controlled.
As such, these are often the most
difficult requirements of all, because people
have so many opinions of what is best.
Just remember that God’s Word teaches
us to “avoid every appearance of
evil” and to be moderate or balanced in
good things.
Etiquette rules in this category involve
“above-reproach” honesty with
money and things, chaperons to communicate
propriety and protection in relations with
the opposite sex, and dependability in
fulfilling responsibilities.
Dos and Don’ts
It would be ideal if an exhaustive list of
dos and don’ts could be mastered.
But life’s situations often involve
judgment calls that seem to fall between the
cracks of specified ideals.
Teach your children that it is a mark of
maturity to evaluate the gray areas or
questionable things by God’s direction
with questions like these:
• Will
this habit or activity build my life?
• Will
it bind me in any way?
• Is
it the best for me?
Rather than asking what is wrong with an
action or activity, consider carefully what
is right about it.
Spirit or Attitude
Every rule of etiquette for Christians
should communicate the core message of what
we believe and the Lord Whom we serve.
• The
practice of chivalry or gentlemanly conduct
– whether given by a man or received
graciously by a woman – is really a
testimony to what we believe about the
distinction between men and women.
• The
fact that we dress up for a worship service,
wedding, or funeral allows us to show respect
to the one being honored in each context.
• Simple
table manners give us the opportunity to
present ourselves in the manner that we would
like to observe in others, for no one enjoys
witnessing crude behavior during a meal.
Each of our actions demonstrates more than
just our ability to learn rules and adopt
habits. The practices themselves
clearly demonstrate our philosophy of life,
for the true test of what a person believes
lies in actions rather than words.
Successful training always involves:
• Instruction
• Reinforcement
• Correction, and
• Consistent example.
There really are no
shortcuts. Self-discipline is a
lifelong exercise.
Excerpted from Etiquette PLUS: Polishing Life's Useful Skills by Inge Cannon.
See etiquette training materials from Ron and Inge Cannon's Education Plus: Etiquette: Privilege or Panic? a 90-minute audio workshop ($4) and the accompanying e-books: Etiquette PLUS: Birth - Age 10 (140 pages, $6) and Etiquette PLUS: Ages 11 - 24 (130 pages, $6).
Basic Manners
Home is the most important place to teach,
model, and practice these basic manners from
early childhood.
Always behave the way you want your
children to behave – with respect,
honesty, and consideration for others. They
will learn the most from watching you.
Develop the habits of good manners by
patient teaching, kindly reminders,
role-playing practice, and praise when your
children get it right!
See The Teaching Home's E-Mail Newsletter
Archives for issues on Character
Development, Part 1 and Part
2, and Forming
Good Habits, Part 1 and Part
2.
1. Courteous Words
•
Please
• Thank
you
•
You’re Welcome
• Excuse
Me
• Nice
to Meet You
• May
I?
•
I’m Sorry. Please Forgive Me.
2. Table Manners
• Come
to the table promptly when called, with clean
hands and face.
• Put
your napkin on your lap.
• Wait
to start eating until after the prayer is
said and the hostess (Mom) begins eating.
• Stay
seated, and sit up straight without leaning
on the table.
• Chew
with your mouth closed, and don’t talk
with food in your mouth.
• Don’t
make negative comments about the food, but do
thank whoever prepared the meal.
• Say,
“Please pass the ____,” instead
of reaching.
• Visit
with everyone at the table.
• Don’t
make rude noises, like burping or slurping;
say, “Excuse me,” if the noise
was accidental.
• Ask
to be excused before leaving the table, and
then offer to help clear the dishes.
3. Kindness and Respect for
Others
• Remember “Politeness
is to do and say the kindest thing in the
kindest way.”
• Be
kind to all – family first – and
especially look out for those younger or
weaker than yourself.
• Take
turns; don’t take the best and biggest
of anything for yourself.
• If
you bump into someone or walk in front of
them, say, “Excuse me,
please.”
4. Conversations
• Don’t
interrupt a conversation, or someone who is
speaking to you.
• Look
at the person who is speaking to you, or to
whom you are speaking.
• Listen
carefully and show interest by asking
questions and making comments.
• When
you speak, do so clearly and loudly enough
(don’t mumble).
5. Meeting and Greeting
• When
you meet people, look directly at them,
smile, and say, “Hello.”
• Learn
how to shake hands and greet a person by
name.
6. Thank-you Notes
• For
gifts, meals, and parties, send a written
thank-you note.
7. Telephone Manners
Consideration for safety as well as
manners will affect your rules for the use of
the telephone.
• Don’t
allow a child to answer your telephone until
he has learned and practiced (in
role-playing) all your telephone rules.
• Home
School Legal Defense Association recommends
that you do not allow your children to answer
the telephone during school hours.
• Teach
your child not to give out any personal
information to callers.
• Teach
your child how to call 911 and give your
address only in a real emergency.
• Turn
down background noise before answering the
phone.
• Speak
clearly and identify yourself if the caller
is someone you know.
• Ask,
“Who’s calling, please?” if
the caller does not identify himself.
• Say
only, “She is not available at the
moment” (not specifically where she is
and what she is doing).
• When
taking a message, include who it is for, who
it is from, and a phone number (keep pens and
paper by the phone).
• Say,
“One moment, please,” and go get
the person wanted (don't yell).
Online Resources
Judi, The Manners Lady
Judi Vankevich, The Manners Lady, offers a
variety of resources to teach important life
principles and good manners in a fun way on
her website www.TheMannersClub.com.
• The
Family Pledge
Download
and print this one-page reminder of
respectful attitudes, words, and actions.
Download
the Sports Pledge.
• The
Manners Club
Free
online club. Churches and
homeschool groups can run The Manners Club as
a VBS or a unit study!
Judi also presents programs and speaks to
groups about manners.
• “It's
Fun To Have Good Manners!”
Award-winning
CD with 16 songs for children. Listen
to all the songs online.
• “Say
Hello to All the World!”
Learn
to say hello in 52 languages!
The Emily Post Institute Website
• Helping Children with Manners, including: Manners at Home, Telephone Manners, Table Manners, Being a Guest, and Manners on the Street
• Emily's Magic Words in American Sign Language (for toddlers).
• Table Manners for the 4-7 Year Old (What you can expect).
• Top Table Manners.
