SIBLING RELATIONSHIPS
Ten Ways Older Children Can Positively Influence Younger Siblings
by Dr. S.M. Davis

In the parable of the prodigal son, the elder brother's attitude is harsh, critical, bitter, angry, judgmental, and condescending. It is the direct opposite of what the proper attitude of an older family member should be. His attitude was summed up in two words: "This thy son," instead of saying, "This, my brother."
This is rejection the harshest language possible from one person to another.
A big problem that surfaces several times in key Bible stories is that older children were often jealous of younger ones such as the older siblings of Abel, Joseph, Moses, and David.
By contrast, there are ten things an older child can do that will have a positive impact on his younger siblings.

1. Accept the Responsibility.
No one in a home, outside of Dad and Mom, has as much influence as the eldest child. I would beg elder children to accept the responsibility and power of influence God has committed to you as a sacred trust. Younger children would rather respond to older children who love, admire, and praise them than to children their own age.

2. Clearly Communicate Love.
The older should not only say to the younger, "I love you," but there should also be times when it is put into writing. Write down words of praise, words of love, words of encouragement.
A key thing here is for the elder to be humble. If you are not humble, you will not do these things.
There are too many families where no one in the family says to the others, "I love you." In many families this is like a family curse coming down from generation to generation. Your family ought to be the one to break such a pattern.

3. Show Concern for Physical and Spiritual Well-Being.
Too many older children play "practical" jokes on younger children that bring harm and danger or embarrassment to them, giving them the feeling of rejection and inferiority.
A sense of mutual protection is seen among siblings in almost any family if they sense danger or if they are under attack. But sometimes that is the only time that it is seen. Most families could use far less foolishness and far more genuine concern for both physical and spiritual well-being.
How special it is when older children teach younger children to sing, to quote Scripture, to play an instrument, to pray, and to witness to others.

4. Praise Them.
When you praise a person in the presence of others, you multiply the praise by the number of people listening. So the older should praise the younger in the presence of parents, grandparents, church leaders, friends, and other family members.
It is hard for the oldest to praise, because they tend to be perfectionists. A first-born also has a natural tendency to protect younger siblings. But if he does not give much more love and praise than he does direction and protection, then his actions will be interpreted as bossiness and will create conflicts.
The only way to praise sufficiently is to constantly watch for things to praise. Post a list of positive character qualities in your home. Everyone should study it every day and give some word of praise to one or more of those younger than themselves.

5. Teach and Instruct Them.
The key teachers of children are parents, but the next teachers of children are grandparents and/or older children. As a sixth-born and the youngest in our family, I still remember talks and instruction that were given me by my older brothers and sisters. To this day there is something inside me that still craves the direction, the instruction, and the encouragement they gave me.
Older children ought always to be thinking, "What positive truth can I share today with those younger than I am?"

6. Warn about Wrong Friends.7. Encourage Right Friends.
Ask young people when they got into trouble or began a bad habit. They say, "I was with a friend." 
The older should not only set the example by having the right friends, they should watch and warn concerning wrong friends.

8. Encourage Them To Do Right.
Younger children who do right should not have to stand against older brothers and sisters in order to do so.
No older brother or sister should ever say to a younger brother or sister, "You will never amount to anything."

9. Speak to Them Face to Face.
The older should continually seek to initiate communication with the younger. It makes the younger feel special to think the older wants to talk to him.
Face-to-face communication involves so much more than just talking. It involves listening, paying attention with the eyes, the ears, the mind, the heart. Listening and talking and touching is wonderful communication, because we communicate more than just words.

10. Demonstrate Acceptance.
Can you picture an older brother or sister saying to a younger one, "You are exactly what I would have chosen in a little sister if God had given me a choice. I'm so glad God let you be my younger sister."
Chain Reaction. 
These ten things the elder should do in relation to the younger create a powerful, positive impact. No matter how many children you have, it will actually become easier the more you have if the older ones do their part, because the pressure to do right will get greater as it moves down the line.

Excerpted from a message by Dr. S.M. Davis. Download text of entire message at www.drsmdavis.com. Available on video or audio tape (see Resources, p. 36).

Copyright 1999 by the Teaching Home Magazine. Reprinted by permission.

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